Be Careful What You Wish For......it may sting a bit.....

Football is back and even before I can get in a good mood about it, Chris Berman ruins it by still being alive....then to make matters worse, still being gainfully employed at the Worldwide Leader and still somehow hosting the countdown shows…I mean I don’t need to make fun of the obvious shit that comes out of his mouth, but how about how it comes out of his mouth…has anybody ever had worse acid reflux while trying to speak on national television? That or massive indigestion is all I can think of for why he talks with his chin down like he’s holding something in or trying to not spew burrito chunks all over Ditka…I mean you tube him sexually harrassing the chick on set or going ape shit when he didn't know the camera was rolling...what a tool...Or maybe that’s what we need, I mean anything to fire up the real football guys on set so they jump him right on national television…Ditka, T.J. and Parcells shit stomping the rumbling bumbling stumbling right out of him, while Keyshawn sharpens the shank and passes it to CC to dive in finish the job for all real football fans across the world….then right as they pan away to the crew on the field, I think of someone else I can’t believe is still employed at ESPN....Stuart Scott, are you serious? I know they need handicap accessible parking but with him and Tedy Bruschi on set, Steve Young might be the only one not missing a chromosome....I’m sorry, I don’t make fun of physical or mental disabilities, much, but why are you drawing attention to the problem! Wearing those wannabe hip but still nerdy black frames & lenses, I mean you’d draw less attention to the problem if you wore a fucking eye patch and called yourself, StuARRRRRRRRt Scott! I mean whats next, Joaquin Phoenix getting his lip pierced or Randy Couture taking that puss filled ear of his in for a hoop? Don’t make it hard for us to look at you and keep a straight face! Which brings me all set to have Tedy Bruschi retard stomp him like the short bus driver who left her peanut M&M’s in the backseat on lunch, but he went and ruined it by absolutely showing the world he hasn’t been laid since his stroke by screaming and ripping Ochocinco for complementing his offense tooooo much. So now in order to trash a douchebag I have to defend an even bigger one….As hard as I laughed when the Bengals actually thought Team Obliterator and Ocho would work well together I was just as annoyed when he got kicked out of hell in Cincinnati and literally landed in football heaven in New England….Wait that’s not possible, theres no fucking way even a sliver of heaven is associated with that myopic little water port town of chowdaheads, that’s purgatory if anything! Trapped in a Boston Sports Bar with those horrid accents just destroying the Queens English, ugh, I’m off topic...So back to Ocho, I can’t believe I’m about to do this but I’m going to hop across the line with which he and I are usually divided and take care of a few big mouths….all of which have had “outside influence/issues” to help their popularity because they never were when they played….i mean he was in cincinnati for 8 years Tedy! That’s like living with some heathen cunt who ate her young and your balls, then after breaking up you have Jessica Alba pick you up in the moving van for your shit! How’s he supposed to act Tedy? I mean you fell into the league in New England, fell into 3 rings with Brady, the Cheater Hoodie and Most Important for all of your careers Vinatieri!!!!!! If not for those 3 your biggest claim to fame is having a movie made about you starring Adam Sandler….I mean the world knows him as Bobby Boucher but I was able to make the connection…Bruschi – Boucher…retarded-retarded…both used tacking fuel, both had mommas they love…he spit in the c-c-c-coola….Fuckin mouth breather Bruschi, Dirty Headhunter Rodney Harrison and a guy who was a Jet longer than he was a Patriot need to shut up!!! You are clinging on to the locker room mentality while trying to be an analyst, and if Tedy hadn't stroked out and nearly swallowed his own tongue & also played for New England, he would be doing color commentary with Cotton McKnight on ESPN8 the Ocho instead of ripping on an idiot Ocho....talk about picking the low hanging fruit, what's next Douche Bigalow you gonna tell me he's not half the player Randy Moss was? Oh wait, you did that Captain Insano, only you and that tragic little town of Boston could make me wish Bill Romanowski had never spit on people while having roid rage, cuz his actual football IQ and insight far exceed yours, he just wasn't born on 3rd base in New England while pounding his chest like he hit a triple, like YOU CLEARLY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Non Hall of Famer. Non Pro Bowler, Non All-Pro, All-Fuckstick... i swear this years theme has to be “shoot me in the fucking head!”……

And while I’m shooting myself in the fucking head, maybe Oscar de la Hoya will read this and do the same….then maybe he’ll realize how when people like him say the things they do people like me wish they would fall down instantly and knock out their 2 front teeth….really Oscar? Rock Bottom? Rock bottom, really? Anyone curious on what your net worth is when you’re actually lucky enough to hit rock bottom like Oscar? $175 million….so drug abuse, infidelity, alcohol and fighting is so fucked up a life for a someone with the name Oscar de la Hoya, in this country, he wants to kill himself…I swear I dream of a world where we don’t give the meathead and retarded athletes so much money and pretend to care about them like we do now, if I was conducting that interview I would’ve probably slapped Oscar in his golden face…and before you idiots respond about how bad he would beat my ass, I’ll remind you they make weight classes for a reason, and we wouldn’t be fighting sanctioned, I would fishhook him from the mount Tank Abbot style and tie him to the back of my truck like a trophy….but for a guy who if he actually had to stay in his own country would be working at a hacienda in Porto Vallarta, or if he snuck in like the rest would be cooking my hibachi at the Japanese steakhouses throughout the Midwest, boy he sure needs a reminder of that….rock bottom is waking up after a bender and your paycheck, fuck that, YOUR CAREER is gone, YOUR WIFE is GONE, YOUR HOUSE is gone, YOUR DIGNITY is gone, and to climb out you have to apologize to any and everyone you hurt, lay in your own yellow stained sweaty mattresses and shake out the years of drugs and abuse you did to yourself, while slowly but steadily rebuilding everything….YOU FUCKIN WHINY COCKSUCKING PRICK, YOU INSULT THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN TO ROCK BOTTOM, HAD ONLY LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM CLOSE FAMILY AND A FEW FRIENDS TO HELP SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME HAVE YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT BALANCE AND I CAN GUARANTEE IF TAKING MY LIFE NEVER CROSSED MY MIND BACK THEN IT SURE AS HELL WON’T NOW WITH YOUR BANKROLL AND I’LL APPRECIATE YOUR MONEY AND LIFESTYLE WHILE YOU BOO HOO AND COMPLAIN TO BARBARA WALTERS OR OPRAH OR I DON’T KNOW JOY FUCKING BEHAR….Cry me a river golden bitch boy….